


repose

by angel515



Series: txt drabbles [1]
Category: TOMORROW X TOGETHER | TXT (Korea Band)
Genre: "knees" by iu, Canon Compliant, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Sad Choi Soobin, Soft Choi Soobin, can be perceived as platonic or romantic or both, not angsty i swear, or the equivalent of that, s o f t, soobin needs a hug, taehyun gives soobin a hug
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-18
Updated: 2020-11-18
Packaged: 2021-03-10 00:34:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,279
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27614945
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/angel515/pseuds/angel515
Summary: “I’m tired, can’t think of anything and want only to lay my face in your lap, feel your hand on my head and remain like that through all eternity.”— Franz Kafka to Milena Jesenska',Letters to Milena(or Soobin has had a rough day and finds solace in Taehyun, and vice versa.)
Relationships: Choi Soobin/Kang Taehyun
Series: txt drabbles [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2039733
Comments: 10
Kudos: 67





	repose

**Author's Note:**

> drabble drabble drabble
> 
> this is the result of the abundance of taebin Yearning on my tl and me going on a taylor-ariana-iu listening spree last night instead of working on my essay (ari's pov, taylor's peace, and iu's knees, specifically that order, if anyone's interested)
> 
> i usually never finish fics so this one is a rarity! hoping this can motivate me to write more in the future too,, i gotta start somewhere haha
> 
> happy reading~

Taehyun doesn't like the look in Soobin's eyes. The eyes never lose their shine but this time, they are also tinged with sadness and something lurking underneath that he cannot decipher. Taehyun wishes that this is unfamiliar, hates that the five of them have learned to live with nights like these when the bitter mid-November breeze brushes into the room and slices his skin, making holding on a little harder than during the day. 

The boys have their own ways of dealing with it— Yeonjun holes himself in the practice room until the wee hours of dawn when he sneaks into the dorm on tiptoes to not wake the other members, Beomgyu throws himself onto his bed and leaves for dreamland, effectively cutting off all the trains of thought that trail behind him, Kai goes out onto the rooftop of their apartment complex and lets the cold numb him warm like a blanket. 

Soobin talks. He is not that talkative during the day, but once the sun sets, the side of him that had been taking shelter from its harsh rays comes out to thrive under the glow of the moon, and he talks. Secrets like spilled ink on a white canvas, an endless litany of reassurances and broken dreams, hopeful dreams, shadows, tomorrow. And Taehyun listens, drinks them all up like a traveler in the middle of the desert. Soobin's voice is even sweeter under the shade of the night sky. 

But tonight it is quiet when Taehyun enters the living room.

"Soobin hyung," The door creaks slightly as it shuts behind him and clicks in place. "I thought you would already be in bed."

"Me too," The older boy is cross-legged on the couch, back slouched against a back pillow. He offers him a smile, one that looked like it took more effort than it should. "How was the recording?" 

"It went okay," Taehyun takes the seat beside Soobin, "PD-nim let me go after a few takes. Might have to redo some of them tomorrow though."

"You'll do great, don't worry."

Taehyun laughs at the affirmation gratefully, "I wasn't really worried but thank you, hyung."

Soobin chuckles. He doesn't meet Taehyun's eyes though, so Taehyun does. 

"Hey," Taehyun turns slightly in his seat so that he is fully facing Soobin. The older is nibbling on his lower lip, and his hands are clasped almost timidly on his lap. Exhaustion clouds over his features like a pale mask, and Taehyun wishes he could take it off for him, but he can't, not when he knows it was never a mask in the first place. So he does the one thing he knows how to do, and he asks, "What's wrong?" 

"I wish I knew, Taehyun-ah," Soobin sighs, shaking his head, "You'd be the first one I'd tell if I did."

Taehyun ignores the warmth threatening to bloom in his chest. It is not the right time; he cannot afford to be selfish when Soobin is hurting like this. 

"I know," Taehyun places a hand on Soobin's shoulder and squeezes it tight, "It's okay, you've still got me though."

"Like always." This time Soobin's smile is lighter, making Taehyun feel a little less helpless. 

And like that, the two bask in the silence of their dorm, thighs pressed against each other in a way that is not too intimate but also homely enough in its easiness. Sleep is beginning to take him over in sporadic waves, and every minute or so, Taehyun has to fight a yawn that almost escapes his lips, but he does not move an inch away from this couch, from this seat, from Soobin's side. Can't afford to, when Soobin probably needs him right now more than Taehyun needs his bed. 

So all Taehyun does is stare into space, inhales the fragrant musk of Soobin's freshly-washed pajamas, let the older boy's presence calm him down as it has always done, hopes he is doing the same for him.

"Taehyun-ah," Soobin finally says, breaking the prolonged yet comforting silence, "Can I lie down on your lap?"

It is nothing new; there are days when after a particularly demanding dance session, everyone would fall flat onto the floor of the practice room and someone would lay their head on his lap pleasantly. Sometimes, they would fall asleep in that position, unmoving under the harsh white lights and on the cold floor covered in scratches from the slide of their soles. 

It is also everything new; usually, it is Soobin offering his legs as a pillow to everyone else. He is both the pillow and the pillar, the stubborn fire that crackles deep into the night. 

"Yes," Taehyun nods without hesitation, "Of course."

They quickly reposition themselves so that Taehyun is now propped against the other hand rest and Soobin is stretched out on the length of the couch, head gently placed on Taehyun's lap and facing away from him. Taehyun is thankful for this; at least, this way Soobin will not see how Taehyun's cheeks and ears are flaming a bright red that would be noticeable even in the dark. 

Silence falls on them again, and Taehyun focuses on the heaving concave of Soobin's chest as the older draws in long breaths and exhales them in low sighs amplified by the quiet. His head is warm against Taehyun's skin, weighty and grounding, and the touch of his hand on his knee is a welcome anchor. 

Taehyun runs his fingers through the older's hair, brushes through the brown strands with a touch lighter than a feather, more delicate than a whispered prayer. 

"If you keep doing that, I am going to fall asleep like this," Soobin hums in delight, and Taehyun can see the apple of his cheek protrude from the side of his face as the older smiles to himself. 

“That's literally the entire point." The older lets out a carefree laugh at this, not bothering to hide his amusement anymore. It breaks Taehyun a little bit inside. 

"You will wake up in the morning with a sore neck."

"I've fallen asleep in worse positions."

Soobin says, "Yeah, I know. Got an entire gallery's worth of pictures to prove it." He chortles when Taehyun pinches his arm in retort, "I don't want to make you uncomfortable."

Taehyun pauses in his tracks. His mind conjures up the Soobin from minutes earlier, broken and melancholy with chains that seemed to weigh down his soul. Kind-hearted Soobin, their leader who has made a home out of his heart. His friend, his person, his favorite hue of blue and gold and all the shades in between.

_No, never again. Not on my watch._

"That's something you would never have to worry about, hyung." He confesses, "You mean way too much to me." 

It is a brave leap into the wild, and Taehyun's heart stops when the older boy stills in front of him. The squeeze on his knee gets tighter, Soobin's long fingers digging into Taehyun's skin like it is his salvation, the last thread keeping him from free-falling into a shoreless ocean of tears. Taehyun lets him, takes on the role of the shield for this round. It is harder than it looks, and he wonders how Soobin has managed to do it all this time. 

Soobin is so strong and so resilient, the bravest of them all. 

When Soobin finally breaks the silence, there is a small quiver in his voice, an arrow that shatters Taehyun's heart into pieces and glues them all back together again. Taehyun thinks he wants to listen to it for all of his days and nights, for the rest of his life. 

"Thank you."

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading!!!
> 
> if you want to hmu i'm on twt @ANGEL5I5 or @epiphaminy (more active here) !
> 
> hoping yall have a great day, whoever and wherever you are <33


End file.
